Unleashing your best work means ensuring that your daily mix of work includes the important work that you should be doing for yourself (but may have been ignoring) in addition to the work that you must do as a function of your job.
— Todd Henry, "Die Empty"
When you have a lot of different pursuits, one of the most challenging questions I found myself asking was "Who am I doing this for?"
It seems like such an obvious question. Not one worth asking. After all, isn't anything I do beneficial to me in some way, shape or form? I'd argue that the answer is no. In fact, there are a lot of things we do that are actually more for others and not ourselves.
Some examples that come to mind include:
- Working extra hours for your company
- Helping a friend move to their new place
- Going to a religious function for your family
- Taking your kid to soccer practice
While I acknowledge that one can argue that each one of those has some personal benefit (like possibly growing your reputation at your job, improving a relationship, etc.), the reality is that activities that primarily fill the cup of others will ultimately drain you of your own endeavors.
When things were simpler...
When we were kids, life was fairly straightforward.
- You wake up and get ready for school.
- You walk / take the bus to school
- You attend your classes
- You attend after school activities of your own choosing (more or less)
- You go home
- You do homework / relax and enjoy the evening.
- Rinse and repeat.
During that time, doing our best work meant getting the best grades possible or obtaining some level of achievement (like first chair in orchestra) in some activity. As a result, one could argue all of our efforts during school was for our own benefit.
However, as we got older and went off to college and got jobs, there comes a point where it gradually shifts from being about us to being about others.
Is doing things for others a bad thing?
Fundamentally, no. I would never say that doing things for others is inherently bad. In fact, at its core it is often associated with kindness and compassion, which are virtuous traits in and of themselves.
What I've found however, is that a lack of awareness around who our time and efforts are being spent on can be a direct cause to burnout and draining one's creativity. There are many other factors that contribute to it, but in the many interviews I've conducted, it's remarkable how consistent it is to see how many don't even consider this question even though they're unhappy, drained and continue taking on more work.
How do I avoid this?
There are three perspectives to consider when reflecting on this:
- Who does this activity ultimately benefit?
- Does this activity align with what I want out of my own life?
- Do I have the capacity for this activity?
While each of those questions fits very neatly into a single line, the truth is that these are big questions. In fact, especially when it comes to what we want out of our own lives, it is arguably one of the biggest questions for some of us.
Closing thoughts for now
I hate to leave this without a concrete solution, but this is all I have time for at this point. If I can leave you with anything though, it's that the key to avoiding this type of burnout lies in the fact that it's a continuous pursuit of reflection on ratios.
The time we spend for others vs the time we spend for ourselves is one that will constantly evolve and there is no fixed formula for balance. Contrary to what many productivity frameworks would have you believe, there is no fixed quota that results in the perfect balance.
As long as you're asking yourself these questions and being more intentional with how you spend your time, you'll find that you'll make progress in the right direction.
